In need of some sneaky advice.?

Okay mo truckas, serious question and I'm need of an answer QUICK! They're alot of people at my house right now, like over 50 (Graduation celebration.) So let's get down to business, I have eaten so much dank food but some weren't the best choices for my stomach and now I'm about to dump my drawers yall. Does anyone now how I can take the sneakiest dump of my life? I'm talkin Cobra Ops/Splinter Cell sneaky as f***. PLEASE HURRY.